Saturday, July 17, 2010

My Five Favorite 80's Horror Movie Bitches

#1 Wendy, Prom Night (1980)

Ah, Wendy. The queen of all 80's horror movie bitches. She'll forever be jealous of Kim (played by saint Jamie Lee Curtis) but at least she has the love of lughead Lou. And one of the best chase scenes in slasher movie history.

#2 Judy, Sleepaway Camp (1983)

I can't think of anyone more outright mean than Judy in the first Sleepaway Camp. Was she jealous that the nice guy had eyes for Angela or did she really have the sharp sense to single out that weirdo from the beginning? Her side ponytail just screams I'm a bitch, doesn't it?

#3 Vivian, Midnight Offerings (1981)

Little House On The Prairie's and America's sweetheart Melissa Sue Anderson was on a roll in 1981. She played the distraught brain damaged and would-be killer in Happy Birthday To Me and even better, one mean bitch/witch who tries to lure The Walton's Mary McDonough to the dark side.

#4 Carol, One Dark Night (1983)

Was Carol more of a bitch for trying to scare the shit out of Meg Tilly or keeping her weird toothbrush obsessed friend around as a punching bag for some corpses from the beyond? Carol, like Wendy from Prom Night, will do anything to keep away the the advances of the man in love with the good girl.

#5 The Ladies of Curtains (1983)

The cast of CURTAINS may not be completely filled with outright bitches, but these ladies would do anything to get the role of a lifetime. And one of them steps up the fight for the role with dolls, hag masks and some murder.

I'm not your bitch, bitch.


Mitch said...

Great post Meep! I did "Horror Movie Badasses" a while back and this is even cooler! Thanks for the Carol love, I Love One Dark Night!

Professor Brian O'Blivion said...

Great post! I love horror movie bitches more then most other characters in the films, who needs the goody-goody final girl. Just re-watched One Dark Night last weekend, never realized before what a great bitchy character she is.

Morgan said...

Great post! Gotta love the bitches! I think I've learned that wearing your hair in a side ponytail makes you a bitch.

Rob said...

Wow. I'd forgotten all about 'Midnight Offerings', but you're right, she's a big 'ol meanie in that one.
The girl from 'Prom Night' was a trip, too-kind of attractively rotten, if that makes any sense.
Oh, and Mary McDonough (from 'Midnight Offerings') is so damn beautiful, it makes me fairly sick. Love her.

Yum-Yum said...

Judy's side ponytail in the first Sleepaway Camp is the stuff of side ponytail legend.

Sadako said...

Dude, that last pic is going to haunt my dreams!

Chris said...

Had to trim the list a bit for space constraints,but I think the true bitchiness still shines through :) (honorable mentions go to Judy and M-E-G- of Sleepaway Camp, Chris Hargensesen and Norma Watson of Carrie,and Ally Burgess of SC 2: Unhappy Campers).

Melissa (Friday The 13th 7: The New Blood)-sure,she's basically the slut-bitch caricature countless 80s flix introduced us to,but SJS ( that's Susan Jennifer Sullivan, for those 'in the know') tackled what could have been a cardboard role with true relish.Leaving sci-fi geek Eddie unfulfilled in his tighty whities earns her a faceful of axe,and the number two slot.

Charleen Kane (Mirror,Mirror).80s staple Charlie Spradling can do two things: inspire awe at the drop of a top,and play a convincing bitch.Bitchy Charleen plays some serious mind fuck games with demon-possessed Rainbow Harvest(!)and ends up a boiled lobster in the school showers.Extra points for the bitchy (and crooked) class president campaign spectacle orchestrated by Kane and her equally bitchy friend,Kim.

Ally Burgess (Sleepaway Camp 2: Unhappy Campers).Ally,Ally,Ally.You made good girl Molly ( extra sweet Renee Estevez)cry,threw your tits around at every guy in the camp,and most importantly,pissed off the puritanical (not to mention murderous)transexual psycho Angela.Did you really think a "leech like you" wasn't going to end up stewing in *gag* human excrement for the last few minutes of your bitchy life? On the plus side,nice rack,and the bathroom sex shows you're a "game for anything" gal.

Kelly Meeker- (Halloween 4: The Return Of Michael Myers). I'll admit it,I liked Kelly (what we saw of her.ALL we saw of her :)
Sure,she screwed Rachel out of her guy,and LIED about it,but I can't help but have a soft spot for the saucy little tramp, and her "Cops Do It By The Book" tee. Maybe I have a thing for bountifully- breasted sheriff's daughters (with shotguns rammed through their chests)? In any case, Kelly makes the cut.

Rosemary Bower (Dolls).Aside from owning the most ridiculous head scarf/sunglasses get-ups, Rosie is the worst step mom on the planet,and possibly the bitchiest woman over forty.Aside from her incessant bitching and nagging of her family,she tosses little Judy's teddy bear in the woods,hits and threatens her,and stops the kid from being struck only due to fear of having to pay more child support from her money.Carolyn Purdy-Gordon can play a menopausal bitch like nobody,and she does it here,much to our delight.

Kelly Hennenlotter-(Prom Night 2:
ello Mary Lou).I love Terri Hawkes and all her helium-voiced bitchiness.Aside from an obnoxious hallway campaign to be voted Prom Queen ("Ring a bell for Kel!"),she spreads nasty rumors, loudly brags about her dress from Sears (!)and even wallops nice girl Vicki in the head with a volleyball! She's at her lowest when she agrees to suck the class nerd's joint in exchange for rigging the queen competition,then ends up losing anyway once Mary Lou catches wind of the scheme and fries the geek's brain.We love you anyway, "Kel".

Chris said...

Note: the honorable mention of Ally Burgess was supposed to go to Pam (an over-acting Teri Weigel) and all of her terrible dialogue from cheese-tastic Cheerleading Camp.

Cinema Du Meep said...

That's quite an amazing list, Chris. You should be blogging this yourself!

Chris said...

Thanks,Meep. Had fun with this one.I have a blog,but have been away so long,I need to have my password emailed to me.

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